Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
