I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
