My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
