Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
