The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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