I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
