Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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