We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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