Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
