I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
