He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
