If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
