We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
