no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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