im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The power of my boobs compel you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
