the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
