I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
