Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
