did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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