U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Randomize
