I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
