I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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