the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
