why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
