She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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