You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
