so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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