he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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