Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this just has baby written all over it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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