I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
