dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
