God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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