Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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