I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
