Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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