JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The uberlube is also flammable
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
