i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
