I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
