Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
