i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
