You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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