So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
