Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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