There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
