Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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