I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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