Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
