mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
