i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
