areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
